a hole in my life

A death puts a hole in your life where all the conversation and love used to be. It's Friday night, used to be pizza night on Tod St and often one of those British mysteries some Knodes seem to like. It seems like every day there's a point where I want to call and tell Jan something. And I can't. She may be looking down or over my shoulder but I can't tell. It sure does leave a big hole in my life.

When I am old I shall wear purple

Poem on Jan's kitchen wall
Warning
by Jenny Joseph

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Family!

One of the shared joys with Jan was family and family history. We both have a strong sense of place and an even stronger sense of family. But for Jan, family wasn't just blood kin; she melded all of her friends and family into one great big, diverse and divergent, super-family. Others have seen it as well, I'm sure. She brought people together and then cemented them into a new organism of relationships and affections. We shared our discoveries about our families as we made them.

I remember her telling me of her relationship to the Crockets of Tennessee (yes, THOSE Crockets) and her relatives in the Dakotas and how she suspected that one of her relatives was actually a horse thief. I shared how my grandfather was jailed in Scotland for poaching on the Laird's estate. I recently found a map of Delmar in the late 1800s which showed spots familiar to her family.

She respected families and their fluidity and created new ones wherever she went.

My Friend, Jan

My friend Jan has given me many smiles in the past 25 years and many tears in the past few days. Jan and I shared a love for........wait for it........"Dancing With The Stars". We spent many a night on the phone watching the TV together, chatting and laughing and critiquing the dancers. And Brian would just shake his head at us. In my final conversation with her she was so full of optimism for their move to the eastern shore with Brian, to be close to her family and her roots. She was a special lady and I am blessed to have known her and to have called her friend.

From the Smiths

We have been so blessed to have known Jan. Jan was a wonderful, fun, vibrant woman. She truly was a gift to us all.

Barb Rick Zach and Jenny Smith

From Linda Berger

This comes to my mind the moment I say or hear her name.

Kindness
By: Lara Krumwiede

Kindness looks for the ways to help.
Kindness lets a friend go first.

Kindness tries to keep the peace.
Kindness never thinks the worst.

Kindness plays with everyone.
Kindness gives a loving touch.

Kindness speaks with gentle words.
Kindness never takes too much.

Kindness cares and kindness knows.
Kindness shares and kindness shows.

Request for digital pictures

Mark and I are putting together a digital photo album of Jan. If you have any pictures of Jan, you would like to include in the album please forward them to us. Frank at frank4645@comcast.net or Mark at issan@comcast.net. We will be displaying it Wednesday evening if it is ok with Brian.

And then she said ... (July 2000)

And when she started, this is what she said (March 20000

She said, she really did! (May 2000)

In the Drag Rag

Before knitting, there was a piano.

When I hear solo piano, I think of my mother. She and her eventual first husband worked in the same piano store; He moved pianos part-time, she demonstrated them and sold sheet music. Later, we had a piano in the house, and she played piano and organ in the church.

I never bothered the piano much because it was hers. I never saw it as a toy, nor was it very approachable. I only bothered with it when my sister Shelly was messing about with it. I liked the pedals more than the keys, anyway.

Mom taught music in the elementary school for a while, too. It was a little odd to have her there at the piano that was kept in the hall, surrounded by my classmates singing old standards. But it was very nice to hear that piano echoing from far away while I was in History or Math class.

The only thing Mom did better than play piano was sing. In the Catholic church in Delmar, she and her friend Mabs Cullen would sing duets at every mass. It was pure voice, unsullied by accompanying instruments. I just heard from Mabs on the phone. She misses mom as much as we do.

Michael

No. 1 Consumer of Yarn in Northern Virginia

As my sister said, "Now that scarf Jan made me will be even more special!" And I thought, Oh My God, no one has mentioned the Knode Knitting Syndrome. Jan's hands were rarely still. If they weren't holding a book, they most likely had knitting needles in them. The picture here is of Jan knitting two years ago at the Frank Lloyd Wright Duncan House in Pennsylvania which I rented for Frank's 60th birthday that year.

I can't tell you how many scarves we have. I piled the ones I found first together and photographed them for the second photo here together with the two caps she knit for our frozen January vacation in Vermont that same year. That's the same trip for which Brian made us Shackleton Wear out of building insulation!

Many,. many, many people own the gifts of Jan's hands. Skilled, loving, talented hands

From Ellen Myerberg

What sad news. I always enjoyed our meetings - she did so much for so many people.

From James Crutchfield

I am so sad to hear this. I always enjoyed being around Jan; she was such a good person.

From Patsy Lynch

I first met Jan years ago (although I did not remeber it at the time) when I was covering the AIDS Quilt arrival in DC in 1987. She was gracious and quite verbose. It was only after I had become involved withe Rainbow History that I realized I had met Jan and I was excited about being able to renew our contact. That contact grew into a wonderful friendship and I cherish her and her husband, Brian even in these times of sadness.

Ironically, on the afternoon of Jan's death, I was driving in ND and there was a break in the rain and I was able to capture a rainbow. How like Jan to make her presence known.

From ABilly S Jones-Hennin

What I remember most about Jan is that she ALWAYS made me feel welcome and that she was sincerely glad to see me and to know what I had been doing, or where I had traveled, since our last meeting.

I'll miss her energy and embraces; her charm and humor; her willingness to step up to the table and do whatever needed to be done. She was indeed a rare pearl. She will be missed, but her soulfulness will always be with each of us.

Apples & People

My God she was a talker! And a listener!! I guess because she liked people and found just about everyone interesting or aggravating, or both.

About 4 or 5 years ago, Jan and Brian joined us at the annual September Apple Butter Festival at Skylands in the Shenandoah National Park. It was beautiful cool autumn weather and the smell of clove oil and apples was strong in the air. The evening we arrived it was so foggy we almost drove off the road. But the next morning, the valley people (many of them descendants of the former mountain people) had the enormous pots boiling with apples and water and other good things, stirring with big wooden paddles.

Jan wandered through the few tents of people selling things (including the old lady whose baked goods we found out later -- after buying -- were inedible). But she spent most of her time around the apple butter pots and in the wooden meeting center chatting with people. Chatting, and listening, and making friends. We wandered off in the afternoon and walked some easy trails. When we came back in the afternoon to the apple butter workers, they all said hi to her as she walked around saying "Well, hello, hello!" in that cheery way of hers. Sunday morning, they were greeting her like an old friend.

I guess she wasn't just a talker or listener but just absolutely great with people!

From Rebecca Dolinsky

What a wonderful person. Just a true delight and a real firecracker. She accomplished so much, with grace and good will. I feel very lucky to have known Jan in the time that I did, as a fellow board member of the Rainbow History Project. She has left an indelible mark on this planet.

From Steve Meinke

So sad and surprising. She looked great last March. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for her

From Joe Coleman

I'm so sorry. Such a lovely lady. We're so lucky to have been able to share our lives with her and she her life with us. Among our most cherished souls.

From Alan Crumpler

I am very sorry to hear this news. Jan was a blessing to all that knew her. I am going to miss her smile and kind ways.